Sunday, February 25, 2007

Not exactly "routine" eye surgery

So, finally, I have felt well enough to post after my eye surgery Thursday. I've been in considerable pain for the past 4 days that one could equate to a shooting, sharp, throbbing pain coupled with headaches and fleeting moments of relief thanks to codeine. It comes and goes, but generally, I feel like crap.

I still feel like my eyeball is the size of a volleyball and my vision is considerably blurry.

It all started Thursday morning as I sat sweating bullets in the waiting room of the surgery center. I hate needles, anesthesia and generally not having control over things, so I was clammy. Chas held my sweaty hand while I waited endlessly for my name to be called.

Finally, an hour later after checking in, I was called into "that room".

I was blindly lead into a very sterile room lined with surgical beds and a very old woman lying comatose post surgery. I felt like I was in the twilight zone and started to sweat even more. This rather chatty nurse had me lie down on one of the beds. "Is this where I am having the procedure?"

She laughs and says, "oh no, this is where we prep you. You'll be fine". she notices how shaky I am and comments to the other nurse in the room, "we have a nervous ninny over here" and they giggle and say "oh no, nervous? Why are you nervous? you won't feel anything."

"I hate needles and I don't do well with the anticipation"

"oh honey, we have such a baby here, and a nervous one, it'll be juuuust fine" She made a point earlier to mention they don't usually see young people like myself here, mostly 80-year-olds for cataract surgery. I guess there's a first time for everything and I usually like to break the norm, so why not now.

I met the anesthesiologist, Steve, and he jokes about my nerves and says. "oh, I've got the good stuff, you'll be fine." He then lifts the blanket covering my feet and says, "Nice Crocs, I like my Birks though" and then wisks through a big door marked "Sterile zone".

All this talk about how fine I will be is making me more nervous. They keep telling me that my surgery is very simple and nothing to worry about. But, it's being performed on one of the most sensitive parts of my body, my eye, and also if anything went wrong, I'd be without sight or possibly the entire eye itself. I read the paperwork, I know the risks, I signed the series of waivers.

So, there I lay. Under a heated blanket, waiting for my preparations.

The one chatty nurse comes over and takes my blood pressure, temperature and tells me the other gal will do my IV for my "juice" as they called it.

I see the other lady with the needles, tourniquet, and gauze walking my way. I am such a wimp. I start to feel my mouth dry up. She asks the other lady to come over and talk to me to distract me. So she starts telling me what great eyes Chas has, whom she met in the waiting room and starts asking about wedding details. I am so not interested in dishing about my wedding dress, the where, what, or why about the ceremony. I don't even remember there is a wedding soon. But none the less, the IV was in. That really hurt because it was on my hand, not really the most comfortable place to have a needle. It's mostly bone and tiny veins. I wanted it out like those belligerent people on ER when they show that hysterical patient who frantically starts to pull at things. It hurt and wasn't subsiding. I was cringing.

"oh my, you are getting pale" And she beckons the "juice" doctor, Steve, to give me something to calm me. Nothing was hooked up to my IV, so I think maybe they gave me something through my tube in my nose, not sure.

I am hooked up to an oxygen tube in my nose at this point and I have clamps on my wrists that look like I am in handcuffs, which they hook the EKG monitor up to. It starts to beep and I think, holy shit, what's that?! It beeped because I moved apparently.

Anyway, at this point, I have tubes and cords and then a nice looking shower cap on my head. I look extremely attractive at this point. I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille, I think to myself.

They came over to clean my eyeball and numb it. I am suddenly feeling more relaxed but still had to ask, "this isn't my sedation is it?"

"oh no, hahaha, that was just something to relax you before we go in". So I needed pre-sedation sedation.

I was probably a laughing stock. Everyone kept light-heartedly joking about my nerves. I wanted to say "I know, I am probably the most nervous person you will ever meet, let's not make an issue of it, k?"

So, the time arrives and I am wheeled in the room by a very tall African-American lady who promptly says, "She was right, your fiance is a doll". I laugh because these nurses are like vultures today.

As I lay there watching about 4 people in shower caps fuss around, hooking me up, manipulating me and making casual conversation with me before "lights out". The surgeon comes in and says hi, and then they start the sedation. I remember the moment I went out as he put what seemed like an adhesive tarp over my face and eye and then began to cut a hole.

The next thing I remember was waking up at the wrong time. During surgery. Not good. I guess I tried to sit up. I slurred "Chas?" and the blurry surgeon promptly says, "no, your are in surgery, do not move." and then he told the "juice" doctor to give me more stuff and then that's all I remember. Lights out again. Thank god.

I wasn't really told what to expect afterwards other than "you'll be uncomfortable" and will want to take pain pills, eye drops for infection and to rest. I was told it could take months for my eye to heal and that my vision will fluctuate. I've been thouroughly miserable though. My eye feels like someone stabbed me and I can't see very well. The patch was removed at my Friday appointment and I wake up each morning with a lovely amount of yellow "goop" that seals my eye nicely shut. Basically, this was far from expected. Friday, I think the "juice" hadn't quite worn off and I was kinda hazy and goofy. Saturday was the worst because I could hardly hold my eye open without pain. Anyway, this whole procedure was far from routine and I still have a swollen eyeball that looks bloody and is very sore.

I hope to heal up by next Friday when I get my biopsy results. But, I really went into this whole thing "blind" (pun intended) although he did tell me I would be in an undisclosed amount of pain, it was vague. You're really never prepared or know what to expect when having something removed from your eye. It sucked and I am dreading work tomorrow since I haven't driven yet or left my home. What an interesting, pain-filled trip this has been.

Thanks for listening to my play by play.

Until tomorrow, or whenever I feel up to writing again.

Ciao

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Hiatus

I am on a mini-sabbatical I like to call "having eye surgery". Well, it's actually the truth. Long story short, tomorrow, I am having a "procedure" to remove a pre-cancerous "bump" on my right eyeball. Yeah, sounds pret-ty serious. Well, it's routine they say but it's going to have me wearing a patch and probably a bit "uncomfortable" so I might be too edgy to post for a few days. Just a warning...I'll be back.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy V-Day

Little photo I took of my favorite food, M&M's. Although, I must say, they look positively ridiculous in all reddish hues. Well, except for the white ones. But, I just fancy the green ones. Not because they personified the green M&M into a horny female character on TV but because it's my most favored color and the least represented in the bag. I like the under-dog quality. No one likes the brown ones. It's like little poops in a bag. gross. Remember when they had both dark and light brown M&M's? That was thoroughly diverse of the Mars Company or whoever created M&M's. I remember when the red ones were said to be "cancerous". Yikes, don't eat the red ones kids! I remember when I saw the blue one for the first time. "Um, I don't want to eat anything blue". I think the evolution of the M&M is quite fascinating and the impetus for this photo. M&M's have grown up with me, or is it the converse? Whatever. I remember, my mom bribing my twin sister and I while we were being potty trained with M&M's if we were successful. I think there is even a photo of us on our respective, wooden potty chairs with candy in our hands. Yes, wooden, it was the 70's, gimme a break. Those were the days. I think perhaps that's why I can't pee in public; my mom isn't there dangling green M&M's in front of me. Well, there are other reasons, like the fact that public bathrooms are tile cloaked germ farms, but that's beside the point. Anyway, this is my ode to the luscious candy, the M&M. You get me through a movie and warm my sadness during an episode of ER. Thank you and Happy Valentine's Day.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

This week in review

American Idol never ceases to amaze me with humiliating people. But then again, they kinda signed up for that themselves. "Other door" is my new catch phrase.

NASA suddenly stands for "crazy" rather than every little boy or girl's dream job. That lady was wearing a NASA issued "diaper". UH, strange in itself. NASA issued a statement saying they should "tighten" their screening process. Yeah? You think?

I managed to do my taxes without procrastinating. It's kinda nice not having dependents, many "assets" and deductions, for now anyway. Go me.

I found a new mole on my scalp. Why on the scalp? I can only imagine if I decided to shave my head suddenly and hadn't noticed this. OUCH. CRINGE.

Chas and I finally finished the last of my birthday cake and we are officially never eating cake again.

Today show did almost an entire show about the Anna Nicole Smith death. I am not heartless, but that poor woman seemed like she wanted to die. I don't see the mystery. I would probably have overdosed too with a life like she had.

Until tomorrow.

Weird...

So, I guess I can safely say that today was "weird". Well, at least my drive around town running a quick errand turned out to be slightly weird.

I ventured out to go get stuff for an office luncheon. Since we now consist of 95% women, we have "luncheons" and we band together in a very primal way to gather the appropriate "accoutrement" for luncheons, birthday parties, going away's and so-forth.

Well, I decided to offer my services and go out to get some plates, cups, etc. because we generally do not have anything of that nature in stock. I also hate scrounging in the cupboards of our kitchen because the hodge podge array of dishes are "iffy" at best. It's not a place that would typically have nice office dishes and I'd have to go into lengthy detail about how our small company and office "works". Frankly, I don't have that kind of time, nor do my loyal readers have that kind of patience, so, I'll leave it at that. Back to my point.

I had safely purchased all that was needed and made my way back to the office. I am at a stoplight and look across the street at the Carl's Jr. parking lot which is swarming with teenagers. Not a surprise since it's directly across from a high school. I think, "wait, is that a cop car...wait, does that cop have a gun? wait, there are 4 cops with guns drawn...oh man, they are running...." I am a bit curious and start to go through the light and a cop car cuts directly in front of me, sirens blazing. Yes, this is indeed a good place to stop, thank you, I'll just sit through this light, I think.

So all the cops start running and shouting something inaudible, presumably "get down", to the perpetrator who looked maybe 15 on a good day.

The kid suddenly slumps to the ground and the cops hover, pointing their guns down at him. At this point, I felt I was watching a mock NYPD Blue/Law and Order hybrid-type show. I was half expecting Andy Sipowitcz or Lenny Briscoe to materialize for questioning. Anything seemed possible. I was also tempted to pull over and watch, but maybe then I'd be in danger. I really wasn't even concerned with that, I wanted to see bullets. Hey, I was bored today, what can I say.

Anyway, this was a bit a-typical for a Wednesday afternoon. I was caught up in the action though. As the light turned green, I was brought back into my reality and kept thinking, "this town never ceases to amaze me, if only for stupid people".

Even more amazing, I was just at that Carl's Jr. a few days ago to get a coke with my co-worker. I mean, "what if's" went through my mind. I have no idea what the "fuss" was about, but whatever this kid did to necessitate not only one gun but four pointed at his head, must of been pretty serious.

Maybe I am easily interested, but I felt that seeing the entire city police force in action put some things in perspective for me. Afterall, I like to gain perspective and meaning from my otherwise monotonous work day. I wonder what possible low I would have to reach to prompt me to rob a Carl's Jr., perhaps force me to use this Carl's as a drug drop or for any criminal device. The possibilities are virtually endless and I spent the rest of my work day contemplating them all. Yeah, I did. Then I think, I am glad I am not that guy. Sympathy, for lack of a better word, is once again gone.

I didn't have to use my A-K.... Today was a good day. Ice Cube popped into my head. Go figure.

Goodnight.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Terry Tate vs Courtney Cate - Draft Day

one more..

Terry Tate Office Linebacker

In lieu of the Super Bowl, I have to say, this is one of the funniest things I have seen. It's an oldie but a goodie.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Hodge podge....

1) Why is security different at every airport? I masterfully was able to sneak a lighter through DIA security, but at KCI was practically stripped searched and then promptly repremanded for my lighter which I had forgotten about upon search. The lady who found it and thus my eye drops looked at me as if I had an actual liquid explosive attached to my body. She even shook her head at me. I mean, it was an honest mistake, sheesh. After my search, she asks me if she could take my lighter and discard. I said "um, no?, are you really going to give it back if I say no?" No. I guess rhetorical questions are protocol with airport security. She didn't find humor in my comment needless to say.

2) Another airport frustration: most people once they get off a plane actually have to use the restroom. They generally aren't in the mood to loiter. The restroom for me is a normal path from the jetway but for the 90% of women in the bathroom I attempted to go through, this was not only a social venue but NO ONE WAS PEEING. They were all standing around and saying "oh, do you need to get by?". Stall doors were wide open but I couldn't get by the cluster of "non-pee-ers" standing in a huddle near the entrance. I guess I should understand this by now, women and bathrooms, duh, social gathering place but it still infuriates me that I can't simply take a moment after my flight to get in and out of any airport bathroom.

3) I love watching The Office. I've mentioned this over and over again. And I've mentioned that I am tired of the Jim/Pam sexual tension but tonight it reached a new height. If there was one thing i would change to make my viewing life easier, it would be if they would just sleep together. That's it. One night or two, but seriously, are the writers on an abstinence diet? ugh, yet again. Thanks Office staff for giving me one more reason to hang myself. Well, I kid but seriously.....

4) While I am on shows, I can't tell you how many times Chas and I have said, "what's up with Ellen Pompeo's face? She looks like she's partially developed. Luckily, I don't really watch the show to see her, if you know what I mean, but she's distracting.

5) Why do I work at a place where people cry? I seriously can't delve into all of that right now, but, it's a souless black hole of a place. Luckily, I can submerse myself into my work behind my computer and fade away.

6) Speaking of crying, every single week, Grey's has some heartwrenching point during the show that makes me sob like a baby. Thanks Grey's Anatomy. I need stock in Kleenex.

7) What's that you say weather man? Huh? More snow all weekend? No, way??!?.... I know it gets tiring to a lot of people out here, but um, mountains = snow. Living in direct proximity to mountains = snow. Being able to see mountains from your window = you might get a little snow between Oct./Nov. 21st-March/April or even May (roughly). Let's not make an issue out of it, shall we? Next topic, please!