Alex Baldwin as Tony Bennett

funny as shite

WTF? A few thoughts to summarize this week.

The new VW's come with a built in guitar amp? ok...random. I do give them credit for using Christopher Guest, original member of Spinal Tap, to stand on a Jetta. The concept is still kinda stupid.

Jim/Pam sexual tension reaches new, uncomfortable heights on The Office....I mean, COOOOOOOOME OOOOOON. I am so tired of the unrequitted love theme on TV.

I have now watched a season of Dancing with the Stars to completion. I've reached a new pathetic low.

I resurrected George Michael from the archives. I feel old and slightly ashamed I burned his discography. "Fast Love" is a good driving song though.

I went to Starbucks this morning and being lazy, I wore my plaid pj's and of course, it was packed with people. I sheepishly ordered my Venti House and left, feeling like a sloth.

Stampedes and riots over Playstation 3? I mean, COOOOOME OOOOOON. I guess I can see standing in line if your intention is to buy it and turn around on eBay to make a profit, but 600 bucks? and what's worse, the people they show in line are not people I would think could afford it anyway. Probably judgmental, but it's just true.

Tornado rips through a trailer park in Columbus County, South Carolina. Shocker.

Yes, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are typing the knot, who cares. Apparently, Scientology weddings include a variety of ceremonies. They happened to choose the "double ring" ceremony where the man promises the woman certain "frills" like "a pan, a comb and perhaps a cat". How generous for a millionaire. How chauvenistic. Just fucking weird. The woman is "reminded" that "men often forget their promises". Nice.....Does she need reminding that this is Tom's 3rd marriage? Enough said.

Perverted Justice on Dateline nabs another batch of CLUELESS pediphiles. Listen guys, um, unless you've been trapped under a heavy piece of furniture for a year, you couldn't possibly have missed these segments where they trick perverts on a nationally known network! Do you own a TV? You are unbelievably, fucking dumb. They even use the SAME decoy "13-year-old girl"....helllooooooo. One guy says he was just curious if she liked anal sex. What are you doing? a survey? Pathetic. Sick. All of the above.

Another shock in the entertainment world

http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,1554852,00.html

That's right folks, Neil Patrick Harris (Formerly Doogie Howser, M.D. and now the over-sexed "player" Barney on How I Met Your Mother) has recently come out of the closet. Now, I know most people might not be SHOCKED by this news. It goes to show you I watch entirely too much TV because I see this as irony at its finest. What? I'll explain.

On How I Met Your Mother (actually, quite a funny show) his character epitomizes misogyny and male-chauvinism while notching his bed-post with the majority of the women that frequent their local, ficticious bar setting the scene for most episodes. His MO on the show is one-upping his male counterparts with his recent sexual conquests and soliciting advice on how to bed the most women with emphasis on how one can ditch them pretty much right after "climax". It's his "shtick" on just about every episode. Talk about masking your off-air proclivities.

Now, I am not saying because you are gay you have to play gay on TV like Ellen or "Jack" of Will and Grace. I am just saying that he did a good job of fooling me. And, who cares? Well, A lot of people apparently. Recently, there was a "scuffle" on the set of Grey's Anatomy between Patrick Demsey and Isaiah Washington because of a homosexual slur made on set right after T.J. Knight (George) had come out. Yeah, bad move Isaiah. At least, that's what People magazine reported and they aren't exactly a beacon of truth in journalism. But, hey, I do find that they are generally accurate. Bottom line, it's nobody and everybody's business all the same thanks to the tabloids. I was kinda surprised, frankly, about Doogie coming out while there wasn't any speculation otherwise. More power to him for doing so without the media having to dig through his trash or follow him around first. Nice pre-emptive strike. He still plays a mean, womanizing, man-whore though.

Oh no you di-in't Britney...new low in Spear's history

But didn't he see it coming? That's why she had an iron-clad prenup, ya'll

Ok...Enough is enough

With the election over, I must admit, I am exhausted from this one. The conversations, the banter and the analysis took its toll on me. I like to give my opinions but at my office several folks were extremely heated. One such person was trying very hard to suck me into the conversation and at one point I felt she was getting pleasure out of instigating others. I walked down the stairs to make a bunch of copies and was immediately asked about my stance on helping the homeless; when is it enough? I didn't particularly feel that by telling this person my beliefs would have done anything but waste time, so I quipped back some statistic I had heard and moved on.

About 4 other times throughout the day, I would pass the group talking around this same individual's desk. They were arguing not only about the recent change in Congress but the argument eventually escalated into a finger pointing, and who knows more about their respective party's platform. It became a cliche Republican vs Democrat pissing match. I chimed in briefly at one point on my way out the door, "pardon me, bleeding heart coming through". It was funny at first, but the "water-cooler politics" became tiring when it lasted virtually all day.

I love a good argument, but I think there should be a pause from talking politics in the wake of the election, if only for a moment. Especially at the office. I know, I might seem like a hypocrite because I was very aggressive in my previous post, but this is my blog, not my office. I'm going to pass out from all the adversarial attitudes. Put the political rhetoric to bed, at least for a little while. There's a time and a place. Sore losers will not get my attention anymore. If they want to have an intelligent conversation, then we can talk, but talking rationally is hard to do with some of these folks. They are extremely defensive. I shouldn't say all, just one particular individual at my office.

I was even asked yesterday by this right-wing individual if I left the previous day "frustrated". I said "people who don't know what they are talking about don't frustrate me". You mess with the bull, you get the horns, so stop talking about it with me unless you are really interested in my point of view. You got it? Good.

Election 2006

I am soooooooo excited that Bob Beauprez LOST!!!! I'm not going to pontificate, I'm just going to celebrate that fianally Colorado saw that light in the governor race.

Well, they didn't see the light entirely. Ref. I did NOT pass. Well, it won votes in several liberal counties (Boulder, Broomfield and Denver, to name a few). EXCEPT El Paso, big surprise. I just don't understand the blind republicans in Colorado Springs who voted against ref. I. The blind leading the blind I guess. It gives people RIGHTS, something you don't know anything about apparently. I guess you simply feel it is your right to condemn and perpetuate backward thinking. If segregation was still in vogue, I am sure you'd be all over that. You'd be shipping people different than you off in buses to keep your community "pure". It wouldn't take anything away from you if you had voted for gay partniship rights. Get a fucking clue. I hope your gay sons and daughters reak havoc on you. The fight will continue. Ahem, I am done with you for now.

Legalization of marijuana (1oz or less) didn't pass. Not a surprise, but still kinda ridiculous.

Minimum wage went up, ok, I liked that one. People are already grossly underpaid.

Definition of marriage as only man and woman. Pretty fucking ridiculous this passed. I am glad you republicans feel you are the only people who know the true meaning of marriage. What a farce. I know Teddy boy of New Life Church recently felt a little differently by turning to the "other" side. Oh, but how sweet, his wife has vowed to the public she will stand by his side though all this. I hope she's prepared for a "threesome".

I am just thrilled that the Dem's took back the House!!! The Sentate TBD, but it's a fight. I am going to drink my coffee now, I am pumped and disappointed by our State's failure to recognize basic human rights but we will prevail someday.

Take a bow Beauprez....

Seacrest, out.

Le Futbol American rots the ol' brain...

I think Earth, Wind and Fire said it best with:

Come to see, victory in a land called fantasy
Loving life, for you and me, to behold, to your soul is ecstasy
You will find, other kind, that has been in search for you
Many lives has brought you to
Recognize its your life, now in review
And as you stay for the play, fantasy, has in store for you
A glowing light will see you through

Yes, that's right. I have succombed to the phenomenon that is Fantasy Football. I am sitting here hoping that Josh Brown for the Seahawks snaps his femur while attempting a 20 yard field goal so our current rival this week, Balls Deep, will lose. Brown is their last player for the week and we are up by only three with no one playing. It's a close one and I want to jam bamboo under my fingernails right now than see the Balls franchise win. What can I say, I have a competitive spirit. But Fantasy makes you mean. I have never hoped for player injuries so much as I do now. Well, not career ending injuries just a sprain here and there that will prevent playing time. In the recent past, I just wanted my home team to win. Harmelss. Go Chiefs.

Not anymore. Now that we have several players on random teams, I have turned evil. I've never given a shit about the Eagles, ever. But since it was my idea (mostly) to pick McNabb as our starting QB, I am suddenly seeing green and white and happy TO is gone so he wouldn't shatter the confidence of my now precious QB, McNabby. I can't tell you how many times when watching Sunday football I have exclaimed "I hope he breaks his face". I'm not mean, but fantasy brings out the worst in me. I feel good when we win and lousy when we lose because of "poor coaching" or poor choices in general.

"Why didn't we play Javon Walker instead of Chad Johnson?!? AUGH!!!!"
"Because you wanted him benched"
"No, I didn't"
"Yeah, ya' did"
"Regardless, we'll still pull this out...hopefully"
"I am getting a drink"

That's basically how it went this week. If you didn't know, Javon had 3 TD's and yielded a shit load of yardage....and we had him benched as our tie-breaker. Fuck.

I guess this is why it's called gambling essentially. It's addictive and drives people to do/say/wish things about other people in poor taste. Simple. End of Story. I will be unhappy if we lose because we are 7-1 in our division, no. 1 right now in the entire league and it's corrupted my brain. I want that trophy and I'll do anything to get it...

Update: Fuck yeah. Brown got the field goal, but with our tie-breaker WALKER, we squeeked out yet another win....lovin' it!

May cause dizziness

Maybe some things should be kept to myself, but I am a writer and I like to share so here goes.... Here I sit on Sunday afternoon. I have done a bunch of house cleaning and mounds of laundry with football echoing in the backgroud. Domesticity reigns supreme. What could make for a better Sunday as far as my productivity is concerned? The weather is great, there is still a crispness in the air that smells of leaves and earth. Anyone would be relaxed. Except for someone like me. I poured my second cup of coffee and decided to sift through the wedding magazines that my friend Amy gave me for inspiration. So glad she did because I probably would have put off buying wedding mags for a while. For the second consecutive weekend I have done so. Sifting through countless scenarios cloaked in tulle and chiffon. While having a wedding is probable and conceivable to countless women everywhere, I can't handle all the options, the stress, the lists, the guests, the food, the music, the clever details....And on and on. I have settled on a possible "color scheme" and have ideas of a few possible venues and yet the date is still eluding Chas and I. All my friends had what appeared to be no problem organizing their weddings. I say appear because I wasn't directly involved so anything appeared under control. But then again, I am not everyone and frankly I am borderline nauseous. I feel crippled and almost to the point after thinking about a budget and the "to do's", that maybe a ceremony isn't for me. I know I have it "in" me to organize it but I guess the final question is, am I cut out for a ceremony with all the bells and whistles? I am getting clammy hands just thinking of standing in front of tons of people, all eyes on me. Most people will see the irony as I am definitely gregarious among my friends but not with most strangers. I avoid Target, the grocery store and malls because of my social anxiety. Sometimes I can work around it, but that's for another rant. I know, I am just overwhelmed today and this will probably pass in time. Despite the warnings to take it one day at a time, I am still freaked. Purely freaked out about the ceremony. I am excited and very happy to be getting married but the stress of planning is beyond my comprehension at this point. I know I have to relax, but just coming up with a guest list is DRIVING ME TO DRINK. Do I have a small wedding with just people who have a direct part in my life currently or do I "do the right thing" by inviting people I may not see everyday but have known me in the past? I have come to the conclusion that I do not want a big wedding. But the conundrum is that I have an extended family. I guess this photo I took today while outside and coincidentally after calling my pharmacy making sure I am stocked with my anxiety meds, sums it up succinctly: This may cause dizziness. Judging by how I feel today, I just want to have a "we got married" party and get married elsewhere in seclusion, just Chas and I. We'll see how I feel next week..I am sure I'll get a grip sooner or later.

Comic Relief from my previous political rant

Hero #346

John Kerry's just saying what we all wish we could say...

John Kerry probably should have thought more clearly about his pot-shot-joke-or whatever he made about Bush. Ok, point: Republicans. But isn’t it interesting that when the conservative position is in jeopardy, the Republicans conveniently twist the semantics of yes, a poorly placed “joke” in order embarrass the Democrats a little? Any ammunition they can use the week prior to the election when their position in Congress is at risk is timely. Kerry is their scapegoat to mask years of falsehoods and misjudgments. Ironic.

When I heard Kerry’s ill-timed and poorly executed “joke”, I knew what he meant (or rather who he meant) even if it was in “sore-loser” fashion. But then again, I was pulling for Kerry back in ’04 so I am far more sympathetic. Well, that and I know a lot about ill-timed jokes, but that’s beside the point. He blundered it just enough so that there could be backlash against him. In his defense, he’s mad just like the rest of us about our position in Iraq. When we get mad, we sometimes aren’t really concerned with word placement. The only difference is that Kerry had a microphone and we didn’t, so the “bad jokes” which we all make, were audible. Personally, I didn’t think he owed anyone an apology much less the military. Oh boo hoo. Shouldn’t what a former presidential candidate says have less impact since he’s not after all anywhere close to the white house? I mean, what ever happened to the saying “sticks and stones…?” This whole thing reminds me of post-rock-throwing, juvenile, playground banter AT BEST. Cue the teacher: "Now John, you better say your sorry to Georgie Porgie or you get put in the corner with a dunce cap". The Republicans and the military “offended” by the comments signify their thin skin and that there might be some truth in the matter. It’s all egos with these guys. Truth is: We are stuck in Iraq. There are only plans to make plans to think about plans to get out. More death in Oct., hello?! Is this microphone on? Apparently, Kerry’s is.

I would love for Democrats to have the last laugh when the shift happens in congress. I recently saw a bumper sticker that said something like “1/18/08: Bush’s last day”. It returned to me the long lost optimism I had in 2004. Optimism I will hold unless another Republican jerk-off ends up in the White House. It could happen. Anything is possible, as we have discovered with Bush’s false “promises” which the conservative populous continues to ignore. Whenever I have a conversation with a Bush supporter albeit brief, they often refuse to discuss it at length with me. I want to say, “give me 5 things Bush has done for our country besides ruin it. Better yet, what has he done for you?” And you know how the conversation goes? They storm off or ignore me. Why? Probably because they can’t defend him anymore and they can’t tell me what he has done for them, with any intelligence anyway. He’s stuck in an ideological sphere which only works on the ignorant. He has been "staying the course" for 5 years since 9/11 and nothing changed, really. Has any conservative pundit ever considered his approval rating MEANS something? Anyone who defended Bush beyond that point is as ignorant as the butt of Kerry’s joke.

I told myself not to get too “political” on my blog, but I am "mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore". Everyone says stupid things and if Republicans would look at their grammatically challenged “hero” they should let a little botched joke by Kerry slide if they had any rational bones in their body. But they don’t. They are misinformed and misinformation breeds ignorance. Ha-ha-ha, you caught a Democrat in a blunder. BIG DEAL. Let’s focus on what really matters. Bad hair in congress. Hopefully, they will be wearing blue ties soon.

"Pizza? now that's what I call a taco"

Maybe this is a bit overplayed but it's by far one on my favorites.

I like-a ping pong and disco dance...Borat is my hero of the week.

Da Ali G Show - Borat - Wine Tasting

Um, if you haven't seen this, you are living under a rock...

Another brilliant Borat clip

Borat Meets David Letterman