10 reasons why I am boycotting trick or treaters this year....
Look, I am not saying this is how I am every year, but this year, I don't particularly care to pass out candy in my neighborhood to these kids and here's why:
1. I don’t want to contribute to type II diabetes/obesity in pre-pubescent children. If I pass out anything, it would be pamphlets on obesity. I am by no means a guru on health, but kids are fat these days.
2. I do not want to reward the neighborhood kids who egged my car twice in a month a while ago. Both times it happened on a Monday right before I was leaving in the morning. Yeah, nice work kids.
3. The other 364 days of the year, tons of kids come to my door wanting me to buy stuff and I’ve given them plenty of my time and attention. I should be given candy for just listening to their inarticulate sales pitches/gimmicks. Always be closing, kids. You get my sale, you get some candy.
4. Strike two about coming to my door on a non-Halloween day: I do not reward illiteracy. Kids consistently disregard and/or can’t comprehend the “no solicitation” sign. I reward kids who can read. When you can read, you get candy.
5. I will not reward the kids who bend and break off plants in my yard. I see you do it, you think I don’t, but I do. No candy.
6. I might have rewarded the kid who brought back all my People magazines when they were sent to the wrong address, but, they were partially mangled. No candy.
7. The kid who rides around on his motorized scooter for HOURS on end will not get my candy because it’s loud and he chases little girls with it. That’s karma kid. I hate bullies like you.
8. I know that if I put out my newly carved pumpkins, they’d be demolished and turned into pumpkin bisque on my driveway and I don’t reward vandals.
9. I have never seen a cute little kid in my neighborhood. Period. Sorry, but cuteness wins. I don't do ugly.
10. I quite honestly do not want to get up every 5-6 minutes (on average) for a good three hours just to pretend to care. Trust me, I am sparing you my phony-bologna bullshit. I don’t feel like lying and saying that your “dime-a-dozen” vampire/witch/goblin conglomerate is “unique”. Sponge Bob? So overdone, later kid.
Ok, this may seem harsh to a lot of folks....but as Barbara Streisand says "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke". :)
posted by Trish at 9:49 PM
1 Comments:
I've mentioned this to you, but thought I'd post here anyway.
When I grew up, Halloween was about community. Sure, I grew up in a town where you knew at least 95% of the people you passed on the street, but I still didn't trick-or-treat people I didn't know. We had a parade at school and the day was filled with cup cakes and fun. When I went out at night I went in my neighborhood. I walked around the block and went to most (but not all) houses, having them try to guess who I was. I didn't go door-to-door, only the people who I really knew. My parents then drove me to other select houses around town. These were friends, co-workers or people from our church. Sure I love candy, but it wasn't about going out and collecting as much loot as I could, it was about the act.
I honestly don't feel a sense of community in my neighborhood. Sure I'm friendly with people in my area. But I don't know the kids around here. Sure my friends have kids who are TOTing age, but they don't generally bring them to my house. If they did, I would gladly provide them with candy. I think the best time I've had with TOTing in the last several years has been at my friends house, receiving their guests which included a lot of my other friend's kids.
Halloween and Trick-or-Treating is more about community and the spirit of family and friends, not about how much candy you can get.
1:13 PM
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